thursday, july 6, 1944
dearest kitty,
my blood runs cold wheer talks about being a criminal or a speculator; of course, hes joking, but i still have the feeling hes afraid of his own weakness.
margot aer are always saying to me, "if i had your spunk and your strength, if i had your drive and unflagging energy, could. . .
is it really su admirable trait not to let myself be influenced by others? am i right in following my own sce?
to be ho, i t imagine how anyone could say "im weak" and then stay that way. if you know that about yourself, why not fight it, why not develop your character? their answer has always been: "because its much easier not to!" this reply leaves me feeling rather disced. easy? does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too? oh no, that t be true. it t be true that people are so readily tempted by ease. . . and money. ive given a lot of thought to what my answer should be, to how i should get peter to believe in himself and, most of all, to ge himself for the better. i dont know whether im on the right track.
ive often imagined how would be if someoo fide everything to me. but now that its reached that point, i realize how difficult it is to put yourself in someope elses shoes and find the right answer. especially since "easy" and "money”
are new and - pletely alien cepts to me.
peters beginning to lean on me and i dont want that, not under any circumstances.
its hard enough standing on your own two feet, but when you also have to remain true to your character and soul, its harder still.
ive been drifting around at sea, have spent days searg for an effective antidote to that terrible word "easy." how i make it clear to him that, while it may seem easy and wonderful, it will drag him down to the depths, to a place where hell no longer find friends, support or beauty, so far down that he may never rise to the surface again?
were all alive, but we dont know why or what for; were all searg for happiness;
were all leading lives that are different ahe same. we three have been raised in good famthes, we have the opportunity to get an education and make something of ourselves. we have many reasons to hope freat happiness, but. . . we have to earn it. and thats something you t achieve by taking the easy way out. earning happiness means doing good and w, not speculating and being lazy. laziness may look inviting, but only wives you true satisfa.
i t uan
（本章未完）